After my crappy performance the other day in yoga I took a different route this week. Went to the Y. And no I didn't take the geriatric swim aerobics. Even though after watching them I think they could kick my butt.
Anyhoo, after that I rewarded myself with a massage. No, not a do it yourself massage or even a cheesy mall massage. The good kind. In a spa. With tinkling water and soothing music. (I did pee before though so I wouldn't hear all that water and have to go like last time)
Dear merciful goddess. Why don't I do this every freaking week??? Then I probably wouldn't care so much about losing a few lbs. Seriously, I think I drooled. I tried my best not to moan like a cow giving birth. This gal was so amazing that I realized my toes were stretching apart like Aquaman.
My hour went by like seconds. When she was done I had to restrain myself from asking if I could pay extra and stay the night in that room under the heated blanket. I had dinner and homework facing me. Boys with questions that I don't know the answers to. ( I am the queen of googling homework questions behind their backs and pretending I know the answers) A dining room table with at least 2 loads of laundry waitng to be put up. Nooooooo, please don't make me leave.
But, leave I did. I'll be back. And no way in hell am I waiting so long to do it again.
This was me. Only without the flower. And I'm blonde. And my back and arms aren't that skinny. Or flawless. Or tan. But, yeah that's me.
I hate exercise. But, If I have to do it I like to do fun stuff. Like Zumba, kick boxing (take that you effing box of brownies) and my fav yoga. And for all of you that exercise know that if you slack for a couple of weeks you feel it. And I felt it this morning. Back to yoga after a couple of weeks. I looked like a novice or green horn. Usually I jump right in and do fine. Not today my friends. It was pathetic. I was the girl that I usually sneer at for not knowing her yoga shit in class.
With yoga my mind usually goes all zen and mushy. The room is heated to 90 degrees. My fav instructor uses words like "organic" and "juicy". She loves to mold you in position and massage your neck no matter how sweaty you are. I usually come out of that class feeling like a goddess woman of the earth wanting something like bean sprouts and sex when it's over.
Today. Well, today you would have never known I have taken a class in my life. My downward dog was crazy sad. My Yin/Yang was nowhere to be found. I was sweating so hard you could hear my sweat plopping on mat. Even the groovy zen music didn't help. My mind was not calm and void. It felt like Atari pong was bouncing around in there. I was just praying I wouldn't projectile vomit or cry before it was over. Even the Grandma who rocks the class (and farts) was looking at me like "what the hell"?
I slinked out of there when it was over. Scared my yogi card would be revoked. I'm hoping it was a fluke and not a sign of things to come. So, I went home took a pain pill and crawled into bed.
I'll try again Monday. If it doesn't work then then I guess it's water aerobics at the Y........(noooooooooooooooooooooooooo)
My Friday
Today I needed one of those beefy bodyguards all the stars have. Not for paparazzi protection but to lug all my groceries in.
Amazing how quick teenage boys will clean their rooms when you take their phones....15 minutes flat.
Spent almost a million dollars on groceries today. Boys came home rummaged around kitchen saying "there's nothing to eat". Boys will now be eating leftovers from Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday tonight.
Archie's out of town so I spritzed some Febreeze around house and called it cleaned.
And my Friday is done. Whew, exhausting. All that's left is cocktail hour and smut on my Kindle.
Spring needs to get here like now. Seriously, I need some warmth and sunshine or there's going to be some sort of bad event where I'm in the paper....
As my boys get older it gets harder to find things to do together that don't require a password and charger. But I try. Because I actually like my teens right now. They are hysterically funny.
So, last night I asked (hollered up the stairs) "what do you want for dinner"??
No response from either one. Ok. I hate playing the dinner game.
I started a fire in my little fire pit and used loud key words like "whoa!! those flames are huge!!" "look at all this smoke"! and Yum! Weenies are so much better cooked over a fire"... (Beavis and Butthead went through my mind "Fire,Fire! huh huh)
Lo and behold within 4 minutes both boys were out back roasting weenies.
Tip to self: Mention playing with fire to teens and their in.....
In my endeavor to prove to strangers and friends how deep my love is for warm weather, last year I wore flip flops year round. Yup. Year round. I wore other shoes and boots and whatnot. But, not a week went by where I did not wear flip flops to work, church, school etc....
This year I have had an unintentional goal to wear some form of my pajamas until the weather reaches 60-65 degrees consistently. I prefer 80-85 but I will trade my pj's for mid sixties. It started harmlessly enough. Old yoga pants that I wear to bed. Sweatshirt over jammie top. Then as it got colder matching flannel sets. By January it was complete with robe, slippers, toboggan. Yes I have turned into one of "those" moms..... If I'm not working that day it's what I'm wearing. In line to school? jammies. If I have to get out and run into store I will pull a big hoodie over it all. To all you moms who berate this behavior I say go &^%$ yourself. Don't judge and keep your "take a few minutes to fix up" tips to yourself. I've been a mom for 23 years and am not taking advice from young moms who still are concerned about their precious babies poop color.....
I hate cold-coldish-semi-cold weather. Bring on the heat Meat. 40 days til April 1st and counting.......
I love love love reading blogs. Especially hysterically funny blogs. I wish I had started blogging when my boys were little. I would probably be a little more sane today if I had, cause not to top your precious angels but mine did some funny shit in their day. But, some of these "Mommy Bloggers" take the cake.
Today, I read a blog where this mom stated her favorite things were BREASTFEEDING, doing her part for the environment by USING CLOTH DIAPERS and TALKING WITH HER HUSBAND ABOUT HIS JOB. Yup. I had to re-read this to make sure she wasn't joking. Nope. Are you effing kidding me?? I'm imaging this poor gal with no alcohol, no cable, and no 50 Shades of Grey loaded on her Kindle.....
I swear if I was drinking milk or anything (liquor) actually, it would have shot out my nose. I'm a mom who blogs. Not a mommy blogger. Apparently, there's a difference.....
A couple of Christmas's ago I got the boys a Red Ryder BB gun. Just for kicks. Didn't know how much they would love it. We leave it by the back door and someone is always randomly taking it out back to shoot.
When the weather is nice I have been catching myself taking the bb gun out more frequently. Like every day. The boys are impressed and I feel like Annie Oakley.
Today my faithful bird dog Sugar and I took out 6 out of 6 cans in a row. Then massacred an orange. Watch out folks. Janie's got a gun. (Teresa Jane)
Bet the FBI or some other secret agents are going to be calling me. Now that I'm a sharpshooter and all..........
