Saturday, August 31, 2013

My Book Passion

Contrary to what some of you might think I'm not just a bitter old Mom who blogs crap every other day but I also am a voracious reader.   I love using that word.  Voracious.  It's rather difficult to ease it into conversation.  But voracious reader I am.

I love reading about the authors too.   It cracks me up when I see or hear an author and I'm shocked that their the author of a favorite book I've read.  I guess that's where don't judge a book by the author's back cover comes in.

I actually read probably more than I do anything else.   I'm not saying I get caught up in a good book and am still in my jammies when the kids get home and nothing has been done.  Or maybe I am.      I won't confess that. 

  But, reading is one of my top passions.  Along with  The Atlanta Braves,  And Disney World.  But, that's a nasty obsession  for another day. 

I am partial to murder mysteries, (female authors only) paranormal, smut, funny contemporary, smut, etc.  Not a fan of espionage and all that crap.  Too much like reality on CNN. 

I'm the cheapest reader as well.  I will troll Amazon's Kindle book site almost daily for the freebies.    1 out of 6 are pretty good reads.  But, I will pay for the best sellers.  And if my Kindle gets down to 5 or less books I start to sweat and get nervous.

Just a little insight into my little bubble that holds me and keeps me reality free.

Plus, reading takes you away from reality so people around you look more like this......

Or this....

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Teen Boys,PTA & Porn

I was asked this summer if I'd be interested in running for PTA President.  Um, no.   Plus, I knew no one else was running so I didn't want to run the chance that I would get it.

Now this week I was asked if I would consider being PTA Treasurer.  Um, again no.  

It surprises me because I'm really not the PTA type of mom and I for the life of me don't know why people like me and want me to do stuff with/for them.

Anyhoo,  when you get them to high school stuff like PTA gets tossed to the side.  I know PTA is good and raises money for stuff (I can't remember what)   I'm going to get alot of crap for saying all this.   

I am on the home stretch Homeys.   Both my boys are in high school.  I have paid my dues.  Literally.  I'm scared to add up what I have paid in school fees for 3 boys.  

I have done it all.  PTA, fundraisers out the yoohoo, volunteered, baked shit (I'm a horrible baker) put up with crazy psycho moms, smiled at teachers that shouldn't be teachers, made projects (by myself) whipped up some kind of costume the night before......   All for the sake of making sure my babies had smooth sailing through their school years.

High school.  That's a different animal.  Very little volunteering required.  In fact, almost frowned upon  (Talking to you cra cra helicopter Mom who just shows up at school to make copies)   No baking.  Yay!  Your kids will be mortified if you do. Only interaction with other parents is at sporting events and performances which is better than fakey smiles over 100% Juice and gluten,tree nut, peanut, dairy, egg free cookies in the classroom.

While I think all those were important jobs in our boyos younger years and wouldn't trade them for anything a high school moms job is tougher.

Instead of homeroom mom I am private investigator mom.  It is my duty to know who my boys are hanging out with.  It is my duty to check all computers for inappropriate stuff.  C'mon I have boys.  We're talking porn. It is my job to make sure their grades are up to snuff (cause high school teacher won't send notes home saying little Johhny is having a hard time in reading)  And speaking of snuff, harping about drugs and trying your best to make sure they don't do them.  I like to send pictures to them of meth heads and heroin addicts.   Ugh, scary stuff.

I may not be the smartest Mom but I refuse to be the dumbest Mom.

I run an open home. I'll chat about anything.  If we see anything inappropriate on tv I'll start a discussion about it. I'm talking to you Miley.....  I'm always asking my guys if they need to talk about anything.  I try to do this over dinner where they can't leave.....

I'll ask if they want to talk about drugs or sex or their bodies. And that our bodies are our own etc...  I usually get eye rolls or "jeez, Mom!"   But, I hope by keeping it in the open it will help.  Or at least keep them ok until they go to college......

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Miley. Miley. Miley. Tsk Tsk

I know everyone has posted about this topic but I felt so violated after watching it on You Tube I had to wait a day.  

Miley, Miley, Miley.   I endured countless episodes of Hannah Montana with boys no less.   And endured being the key word. Disney Channel never has been known for it's quality actors and story lines.  But, we are a Disney family and we knew it was "safe" tv.  

You are an adult.  Yup.  You are OBVIOUSLY exploring your sexuality and FORCING us to explore it with you.  Yup.  Or Yuck.

I get all that.   Been there done that.    But NEVER did I do it as a role model to other young adults or on national television. 

To hear that high schoolers (mine included) at our local high school  were watching her performance on YouTube during lunch yesterday was disturbing at best.  The key words I heard from that were "she is so gross"

Then I thought I needed  to explain to my boys the difference between porn and real sex. 

Because basically what I saw was simulated porn with a song thrown in.
Not a comfy conversation.   And that what Miley did on the awards show was a PERFORMANCE to get attention. She won that hands down.   And  is  not acceptable behavior in public in our little world. Privately?  Do what you want.  We are all freaks on some level. But, don't force feed it to others.    I know what Mom doesn't know blah blah blah.  Kind of hard for Mom not to know when it was on tv.  I really tuned in cause I wanted to see a little J.T.  Now there is an example of sexy.

 I hope my guys make stupid mistakes.  Small ones are easy to get over and you learn from them. No one really wants to embarrass people who love and care for them. Hopefully.  

 But, if I ever see or hear of one of my kids up on a stage in front of others doing that shit You want to bet I'll be right up there dragging their ass down by their stupid dumb looking horns on their head. 

Flirty is fun. Sexy can be hot.  Miley went straight to humping anything that was on that stage.  Reminds me of this dog we had........

And Twerking?  Girl,  you can't twerk.  Your a 98lb white girl.     And I'm guessing you dressed yourself and thought up your own props?? Because it looked like leftovers from your bedroom back home or Goodwill.  Foam finger??  Really?   All the real women are laughing at that one.   And get that stupid Gene Simmons tongue back in your mouth.  It doesn't need to hang out 24/7 like you can't wait to give a blow job on anyone.   Aren't there people you pay to help you with things like couth, tastefulness, wardrobe???  No?  It showed.

You are pretty and  have  years behind you cultivating  a fan base that could withstand time.  Was that not enough?  Most performers would kill for that. You can sing fair and have/had a huge following of fans.  You have/had the ability to run with this and make it a CAREER. 

I am sending Miley a bill.  I want all my money back from all the Hannah Montana crap I have purchased for nieces and friends kids.  I also want compensation for the time and discomfort on their part  spent explaining porn vs. real sex to my boys.  Was not on my Monday night plan bitch. 

 All this is a viral sensation right now.  But,  tell me where will you be at in 10 years?   Still humping stuffed animals and twerking?    I hope not cause girl you can't twerk and just look stupid when you do.   If you don't cut that tongue back and slow down this is how I envision you later on.

Or maybe like this with a couple of diseases thrown in for character

Monday, August 26, 2013

Don't You Forget About Me

OMG  Is it old movie week???  Last week it was 16 Candles. Last night it was The Breakfast Club.   Both some of my all time favs.   Both make me realize that I'm as old as dirt.   Both made me fade back in time and remember that lovely sensation of being young and invincible.   I was going to make a difference.  I was going to go places.I was going to make out with a bad boy. Ok, maybe I only did one of those.  But Hey,Don't You Forget About Me.......

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Migraines and Teenagers

Well hello bad headache!!  What's that??  You aren't an ordinary headache??  Your called a what???  A migraine?  What's that???

Thanks to all who let me know AFTER THE FACT that a migraine will make you wish you had a gun.  Or a mallet.  Or both.  And you would barf. And your eyeballs would feel like they are going to eject from your head.  Thanks.

And that you would be in such agony  and in a fog you would have your 15 year old son DRIVE you to the nearest Doc in a Box.    No questions asked. Just get in the car.  Me: " Yes, I'm sure you can do it"   "You will be fine"  "Don't talk anymore or I will barf"

Today it's kinda funny.  Not really.  But funnier than yesterday.

I bought him some Skittles today to say Thank You.  I maybe should have bought him 2 packs.   I think he's rather scarred from the experience.....

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Sixteen Candles (sigh)

So I was disgusted with My Atlanta Braves playing skills last night and I started flipping channels.   Landed on Sixteen Candles.   Wow.  My years melted away.   I remember distinctly thinking when I first saw this movie that I wanted love to find me just like that.   With Jake.  And a red Porsche. And Long Duck Dong. 

Didn't happen.   But,  I still love that movie. Watching it last night though made me question why her fluffy dress didn't ignite from all those birthday candles and melt to her skin and turned it into more of a horror movie......

And Where is Jake today??  I bet he's still smoking hot.....You know, in an old guy kind of way.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Why I Hate Tuesdays

What stinks after  doing nothing on a lovely rainy Monday is a cloudy get off your fat ass and do something Tuesday.   


Friday, August 16, 2013

Jane Russell I Ain't

I have this habit of dropping my bra wherever.   The absolute second it irritates me in any way I'll rip it off and there it will lay in all it's wired scaffold glory.

I have done this for so many years I don't pay attention to it.  Yet, my husband does.  It is nothing for him to come home late at night from work and wake me up to let me know he found my bra in the kitchen.  Okaaayyyy. 

  I think he seriously thinks I'm being sexy and "dropping" hints through out the house. For like 17 or 18 years??(I'm bad with anniversaries)  Seriously Dude??  Never has happened that way and never gonna.   

Thursday, August 15, 2013

What's In A Name

Yup,  all of those words I can identify with.  Scary.    Yet I get a shiver of delight when I look over them.   

Reason for my hiatus?   Several things.   Some bloggers straddle the fence on what they want to say vs. who they want to hear it.  That's one of mine.  I know  I know blogs are public so if you don't want certain people to read it then that's your (mine?) own fault  blah blah blah......  
Then there is my blogs category. Mom Blog.  I was bored with being lumped in the Mommy blogs with Mom's of infants and toddlers.  Please.  Been there done that and while I appreciate all those Moms  show me a real, raw and crazy Mom of teenagers and beyond.   Not enough blogs with these moms.
And my  last reason,  my home office is cold and I always forget to put on socks.  I hate blogging with cold feet......