Thursday, May 28, 2015
Giant Toddlers Driving
Yay!! Summer is here! Yay!!! Ok, Im bored. Well, today anyway. Yay! The first day of boredom!!!! The last few weeks of my boys school was torture for me. I'm not sure for them but it's usually about me.
For all you fresh young Mom's out there wait until the last couple of years your precious babies are in high school. It is agony. For them and you.
Instead of worrying about play dates, the right summer camps and Homeroom Mommy Drama it will be all about Exit Projects, Job Shadowing, part time shitty jobs and Driving...... Yup, Mother Effing driving.
Let me start by saying I hate hate hate driving these busy busy boys around 24/7. On the flip side I am totally against handing some kid the keys who can't remember to take out the trash. These are babies who are clueless. Think giant toddlers with body hair.
I have been teaching these guys to drive for months. Months. It's terrifying, frustrating, and just plain pisses me off and puts me in a bad mood. Baby boy#3 has opted out of driving. Says "he doesn't want to and doesn't like it"
???? Okaaayyyyy I'm saving this argument for another day.
Baby boy #2 just turned 17 and was expecting a new car in the driveway for his birthday. He was seriously shocked when that didn't happen. I even told him in advance it wouldn't! Anyhoo he is now chomping at the bit to get his licence.
I am the worst passenger rider. Ever. I have always driven. Even on the slim chance my husband is in the car I drive. This is Baby Boy #2 we are working on. He waited until 17 (ironically just like baby boy#1) to get his driver's licence. Which was fine by me because he is a horrible driver. Combined with a horrible rider. Me. This is equaled by screaming (him and I), Flintstone style braking, Handle holding and a lot of yelling every time we get in the car. I swear on the passenger side it feels like your hurtling to your death in the form of a tree or a ditch.
In fact, we were yelling on the way to the DMV yesterday. About Driver's Licence rules of all things. I've been driving for oh about 100 years and know a few things. Long story short. I had to google answer for him to believe me. Didn't believe his own Mama????? For Shame!!
Then there he goes. Gets into the car with DMV person. (I don't know what their title is. "Bitter people that hate the public maybe?" He gives me a tiny wave and looks like he's gonna cry. Gah. He's killing me. My heart is breaking. As they drive off a big bolt of lightening shoots through the sky. With a bang of thunder a torrential downpour starts.
OMG I want to go after them and tell them to stop. He has no experience in the rain! But I can't cause they have my car. And I can't run cause I'm wearing pretty shoes.
So I wait a whole 10 minutes. And their back. He gets out gives me a big hug and says "Mama, I passed!"
Gah. My heart. Maybe I'll let him drive me around a few more times....