Friday, June 12, 2015

Giant Toddlers Driving Pt. 2

After the stress and drama of getting baby boy #2's drivers licence I thought  that things would settle down and I'd have a relaxing summer slacking off and lounging on my deck pretending I was someone else.  I forgot.  Thinking + Me =Stupid.

Nope.  After the licence comes the nagging and begging to drive your car. Anywhere.  Need milk?  Need a ride? In your own car??   

I get it.  I was the same way.  I took my little brothers to their friends houses just so I could drive.

The thing is that I hate hate hate anyone driving my car.  I always have love affairs with my cars and baby them.  I wash them. Wax them. Talk to them. Sing alone in them. Talk to myself in them. Cuss at other drivers in them.  You get it.

What I don't like is getting in my car and adjusting mirrors and seats and radio stations.  I like my feet to reach the petals every single effing time I get in. What the hell is that scratch on the bumper????!!!!!!

So, this started the great car hunt of 2015.   Even my husband got involved.  That's kind of a biggie.  Cars are sooo not his thing.  We searched our hearts out. We went to parts of town that I have never been in.  (and hopefully never will be again)  I have talked to shysters, Billy Bobs and down right dumb asses about their cars. My husband started off strong then bailed. He just couldn't handle all the crap we looked at. 

So, it was up to baby boy and I.  During these last few
weeks he saw people that rather scared him. He's not used to seeing people without teeth...... Areas of town that he wouldn't even get out the car.(I kid you not) He cringed at his Mom's FBI type questioning of each vehicle seen.  But he hung in there.
  I thought we could find something used, dependable, and in our price range (cheap, cheap cheap) within a week.  WRONG

It has taken a couple of months but we found a used car that fit our criteria.  
But, since it fits our criteria it is going to be a project this summer.   Think grafitti written on what's left of the headliner and gunk on the windows from being under a tree for a year kind of a project. 

I thought it would be fun.  Bonding and what not.   

Today is day #3.  I have shown boys how to put on windshield wipers. Check oil and pump gas.  I have explained how to keep up with maintenance.  I have answered 4 phone calls from them at the car wash asking how it works......

It has  reminded me when they were actual toddlers and asked me questions all day like why?why?why? until my ears would bleed.

So continues my summer with hairy giant toddlers..............

Looks fine from a distance.......


What I'd rather be doing.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Giant Toddlers Driving

Yay!!  Summer is here!   Yay!!!   Ok, Im bored.   Well, today anyway.  Yay! The first day of boredom!!!!  The last few weeks of my boys school was torture for me.  I'm not sure for them but it's usually about me.   

For all you fresh young Mom's out there wait until the last couple of years your precious babies are in high school.  It is agony. For them and you.

Instead of worrying about play dates, the right summer camps and Homeroom Mommy Drama it will be all about Exit Projects, Job Shadowing, part time shitty jobs and Driving...... Yup, Mother Effing driving. 

Let me start by saying I hate hate hate driving these busy busy boys around 24/7.  On the flip side I  am totally against handing some kid the keys who can't remember to take out the trash.  These are babies who are clueless.  Think giant toddlers with body hair.  

I have been teaching these guys to drive for months.  Months.  It's terrifying, frustrating, and just plain pisses me off and puts me in a bad mood.   Baby boy#3 has opted out of driving.  Says "he doesn't want to and doesn't like it"
???? Okaaayyyyy I'm saving this argument for another day.  

Baby boy #2 just turned 17 and was expecting a new car in the driveway for his birthday.  He was seriously shocked when that didn't happen.  I even told him in advance it wouldn't!  Anyhoo he is now chomping at the bit to get his licence.

I am the worst passenger rider.  Ever.   I have always driven.  Even on the slim chance my husband is in the car I drive.   This is Baby Boy #2 we are working on.  He waited until 17 (ironically just like baby boy#1) to get his driver's licence.  Which was fine by me because he is a horrible driver.  Combined with a horrible rider.  Me.  This is equaled by screaming (him and I), Flintstone style braking, Handle holding and a lot of yelling every time we get in the car. I swear on the passenger side it feels like your hurtling to your death in the form of a tree or a ditch.

In fact, we were yelling on the way to the DMV yesterday.  About Driver's Licence rules of all things.  I've been driving for oh about 100 years and know a few things.   Long story short.  I had to google answer for him to believe me. Didn't believe his own Mama?????  For Shame!!

Then there he goes.  Gets into the car with DMV person. (I don't know what their title is. "Bitter people that hate the public maybe?" He gives me a tiny wave and looks like he's gonna cry.  Gah.  He's killing me.  My heart is breaking. As they drive off a big bolt of lightening shoots through the sky.  With a bang of thunder a torrential downpour starts.  

OMG  I want to go after them and tell them to stop.  He has no experience in the rain!  But I can't cause they have my car.  And I can't run cause I'm wearing pretty shoes. 

So I wait a whole 10 minutes.  And their back.  He gets out gives me a big hug and says "Mama, I passed!"  

Gah.  My heart.  Maybe I'll let him drive me around a few more times....

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Bah Humbug (again)

Bah Humbug!!   Oops, I mean Christmas is almost here!  Yay!?.......

Every year I dislike Christmas more and more.  What a headache.  What a disruption of routines.  What a waste of money.

Let me elaborate before I put my foot too far in...
 Yes, I understand what it is about.  The true meaning.  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. I support it. I practice it.  So, why can't we just say Happy Birthday, Jesus!? And maybe do something along those lines.   Something that stays a little more focused..

Of course, do the Santa gig.  It's precious and sweet and quite the blackmail in the year leading up to it.  But, In my opinion that should stop around 10 or whatever age your child is able to handle the truth.

The gift giving is out of control is where I'm going with this.

I'm more along the lines of "let's use our Christmas money and go out of town for the holidays.  Or donate it to something worthy.  Or go skiing.  Or not go poor."

These ideas of mine this year were met with blank stares and comments like "your so funny Mom! We know how much you love doing all the Christmas stuff".

Seriously?  Who told them this??  I hate red and green.  Christmas decorating and gift buying rank right up there with folding laundry or cleaning a parrot cage.

Everyone around me is all about "have you got your shopping done"?  Only 2 more days!  Super. Only 2 more days to think of something  great for parents and teens.  It's exhausting. It was fun when my boys were little and it was magical. And you could spend $100 on 3 boys and there was a pile of presents under the tree.  It should be magical and special and not lose meaning.  While they are young.

When everyone is almost adults the gift giving should stop.  When my kids lists run the gamut of "New Car" to "$700 gift card for new gaming computer"  I'm done.  Cooked. Finished. Out of magic.  Pfft.  There is absolutely nothing I can whip out of my magical Mom hat anymore. 

Maybe one more year.

And not just because my Christmas List reads:  Nikes with rhinestones, Botox, A pony,  
giant (and I mean huge) Coach Bag........

(none of this I'll actually get mind you.  The hubs and I did away with gift giving years ago when we both realized how bad he sucked at it)    :))

Monday, December 8, 2014

Run Teresa Run!!

Run Disney Run!

Okay,  I have finally done it!!   After several years of debating I have finally decided to run my first 5K at Disney World!!!   

Let me tell you though,  either I've been under a rock or am just not too bright. (Let's just assume the latter)  I had no idea until a year or so ago how freaking POPULAR the Run Disney events are.   Last year I tried to sign up online for one of the runs about a month after registration opened.   DUMB DUMB DUMB.   Apparently I am the last fool on earth who didn't know that most of the races at Disney sell out within hours.  

I started looking at blogs and asking questions about why and how a certain race I was trying to book was full.  Let's just say after several scathing replies I was so glad my real name wasn't visible.  Jeez!  These runners take this seriously!!!   OK.  Do not assume you can get registered for a Disney Race days after it opens.   Duly noted.

So, this year I'm smarter.   The race my Bestie and I wanted to run in February opened in June.  The day registration was open I was on my computer at the designated time ready to roll.   After several hours of being shut down and frozen up I finally got us registered for the Princess Half Marathon Weekend in February 2015.   And no, we are not running the half just the 5k.   I love Disney World but don't want to die there in a puddle of sweat.

Now all I have to do is figure out my perfect running outfit.  Oh yeah,  and train to run. (yikes)   

These are the pictures I'm imagining will be me a the race....

But in essence will be more like this....

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Zombie Mom

It dawned on my this week that summer is almost over. (and by that I just mean before school starts the 1st week of August. Damn you school Nazi's!)  

 Hmmm.  I must have been so busy that it just flew by.  That's it.  I've been so darn busy.

Let's see.   We went on vacation the last of May.  I don't work much in the summer. I don't have a garden this year.  If my house is any indication I didn't go overboard on housekeeping this summer.   We don't have summer sports or kids activities and birthday parties out the hoo ha every freakin day.

   Apparently, I haven't done SHIT this summer.  Seriously.  I remember napping, sleeping in, napping, maybe getting the mail a couple of times.  But that's it.  

It's obvious I wasn't busy blogging or writing. I practically had to blow the dust off my keyboard.

What on earth did I do this summer??  This is scary.  Do I have Alzheimer's? 

Nah.  I think I have finally  arrived!!  You know, arrived at that place that you prayed for for since you brought your precious bundles of joy home from the hospital.  Then looked at them and realized you will be watching and caring for them 24/7 for 100 years...   

Well,  my guys can now potty (they are teens after all) nuke a Hot Pocket for lunch and ask mom for a ride every so often.   SWEET!!!

So it's kind of like I'm a zombie this summer.  Cool.  Just stumble around in stinky clothes and bad hair with no real intent or direction.  Yup. Sounds like my summer alright....   And I love it.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Is That A Balloon??

Is it a sign in which direction my day will go when I get out of my car at the gym and step on a used condom?

Of course this is after I have to take a minute to figure out what the hell I stepped on.   Oh yeah, I remember those........

So I called my husband and said "good news! We don't have to have bathroom sex anymore.  We apparently can just do it in a parking lot"......