Weekend Fun

Oh Joy!   A rainy Monday!!!  You know how I love these!!   No. Seriously do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esEdC0c3YI4


The weekend was wonderfully warm and I got to laze around due to baby boy #3 being sick.   Friday he comes home with a fever.  Friday night I'm woken up with him beside me saying "Mom. Mom. I think I'm going to ...."(insert barfing retching noises here)  Those are always fun ways to wake up to.  It's dark, you have no idea who's barfing, where it's going, or if your going to step in it trying to get to a light.  You just feel bad for whomever the poor victim is.   So I spent Saturday fluffing pillows, administering Tylenol, and running a cool wash cloth over poor baby 3.   Saturday night was a repeat of Friday night.  Seriously.   Damn, I gave him a little soup too soon.......

Note to all you hubbys out there.  When wifey says "please bring home gatorade" for your Exorcist style vomiting child  for the love of God  DO NOT bring home red or blue or even green flavors. Seriously!!!   I learned that lesson forever ago.   Those colors will come shooting out of every orifice of your poor child and it will always end up on sheets or carpet.   And that shit stains!!! (no pun intended. snicker)

So, of course those are the colors MY hubs brings home to #3......... And yes I gave him the choice of cleaning the multi colored puke or poop that was sure to happen if he drank those or going back and getting the clear or piss yellow flavors.  Not a word.  Good fella went straight back to store.  Smart man.

Serial Killer

The house is empty as I get in the shower.   Halfway through shaving first leg my dog Sugar starts barking in my room crazy like.   Crap. OMG.    I'm on the second floor.  Is it a serial killer?  burglar? Did I lock the bathroom door? Have I locked any doors?? I have nothing but my dull razor and tooth brush as my only defense. (yes, I brush my teeth in the shower)  I leave the shower running just to throw off my would be killer, grab my towel, jerk the door open hoping the element of surprise would scare him   (it's always a him isn't it?) away. Or at least the sight of my naked middle age body might stun him for a split second.   

Nothing.   No killer. No burglar. Just my dorky dog sitting on the bed.  Does that mean she heard something downstairs?  Saw a bird fly pass the window? Just to make sure I go downstairs with soap all over me. (not nearly as sexy as in the movies my friends) Doors are all locked.  Everything is fine.

You would think that after going through this routine at least once a week I would a) make sure the doors are locked b) ignore the dog c) come to realize that a serial killer is not lurking my neighborhood EVERY SINGLE WEEK or any other week that I'm aware of.

  So, I have no idea why I fall for my dogs weekly scare.    Probably because in all the movies I've seen and books I've read  the first time you let your guard down  WHACK. Sliced and diced.  But, that's ok.  My razor, loofah and I are ready. 

My Love Hate Relationship with Christmas

I have a love hate relationship with Christmas.    I hate it because every freaking year we talk about the "meaning is lost" which is true. yadda yadda yadda. But, we still do it anyway.  My fam goes to church and know what the true meaning is and participate in food drives, angel trees, etc. But, rewarding as that is it doesn't stop the forced participation of commercialized Christmas.    Jeez, I'm starting to sound like a crotchety old man. 

I hate being forced to buy my angels (who honestly need a little lesson of receiving coal....) bloody expensive gifts when I can get them 1/2 off on the 26th or any other time of the year. I hate breaking into a sweat putting up the tree because we live in the south then turning around and mowing the yard on the same day.   I hate that Christmas is crammed in with Fall Break, Halloween, Thanksgiving.  Really,  I should bite my tongue because I know why Christmas is when it is.   But, there is so little going on in January, Feb and March and it is crappy cold with nothing to do...........

I do love shopping and seeing all the glittery decorations.  And sometimes you will catch one of your favorite Christmas songs.   Not the freakin Justin Bieber poke my eye out version.   And on that note, is there only one decent Christmas song that comes out every 20 years????   Must we listen to the same 16 songs that we have listened too since the 80's??? WTF.

And please please please don't get me started on Elf on The Shelf.  Where do I begin?????   Um, my boys were threatened with the head honcho himself.  Santa Claus.   They didn't make $30 elves to make a mess for me to clean up.  But, now that I have teenagers I'm tempted to buy one just to have some fun.   No messes.  But, some Mom fun by placing an elf where an IPhone or Ipod should be.  Or leaving an empty box of pop tarts with the elf in it. Or maybe wrapping empty boxes with elves in them for Christmas.  Omg I am laughing right now just thinking of it.  That to me is freaking funny.   Paybacks to teenagers.  Gotta love that. 



  

Happy Birthday to Me

Wow, birthdays have a way of sneaking up on you.   I woke up to find a dead mouse by my bed courtesy of my evil cat Jynxi.  Ahhhh, he remembered my birthday and gave me a gift.   Nothing like hiking out back with a dead mouse  with bbq tongs (I'll wash them twice I promise)  And seriously bbq tongs are on my top 5 cleaning tools.   Anyhoo, had to toss mouse in back corner of yard (fondly referred to as animals that have been killed by Jynxi cemetary)  

My sweet baby boy #2 txt'd me from school to wish me a happy birthday and telling me not to do any housework today.   Okayyyyyyyy, sounds like a plan but it will just make double for me tomorrow.   Oh, well the thought that counts.

Then opened my laptop to be freaked out by lots of FB Happy Birthdays!  Yikes! If that doesn't wake you up.....Still, very sweet from all my FB friends and the other people who don't know me but know when my birthday is................

Off to the Dentist.  See, that's how little I think of my birthday. I obviously didn't pay attention when I made that appt.   Hey, anyway nothing beats a set of slick shiny pearly whites and my dentist commented on my red boots.  Yay Me!

Then to the bank.  Where the bank lady wished me Happy Birthday after I had to ask for the date.  I'm a moron.

Then a package from Blogher in the mail!   Was it a check? Are they dying to syndicate my blogs??   Um, no.  It was a free razor for giving an opinion about  a blog.  Oh well, that's cool too.  Mine is so dull that I just go through the motions of shaving anyway.

On that note,  It's off the folks for food and drink.  My Mom will undoubtedly have champagne (half gone of course) and my brothers will most assuredly give me some fabulous Princess cards.   Happy Birthday to Me!!

And for all of those who don't know me so well and are dying to hear what the hubs got me for said birthday. (This is for all the gals I know who's husbands are dead meat if there isn't flowers, dinner and gifts for their birthday) Not me.   He gave me the perfect gift.  He was out of town for work for several days!!!  Again, Yay Me!!!  Whooo hooo.  White Christmas and all my favorite girly shows on DVR!!  Then he actually surprised me with pink roses delivered (my fav color)   I wondered why he kept texting me and calling.  I finally said Don't you have work to do?  Quit buggin me!! (actually, I wasn't even that nice and I might have thrown in a couple of bad words) Apparently he was wondering if I got flowers.  Hmmmmmm, note to self:  be nice to people around your birthday.  Don't be a bitch in case someone is sending flowers.   Good advice.

You Will Be Like Your Mother One Day

For every woman that has a Mom or Dad that may drive her nuts at times  maybe we drive them just as nuts.(I know, surely not right?)  It's hard to imagine as adults that we could possibly still be treated as children.  But you can.   

My Mom was asking where my birthday list was.   Birthday list???  Jeez, what am  I 12?   I don't have a list.  Then she got miffed and told me to get her my list.  So, I just scribble pajamas, botox, boots.   When she reads the botox part she gives me the Mom look and says you are not putting poison in your face!  Just kidding Mom.  Relax.  

My dad still lectures me on finances and car maintenance. When I go over to their house you can always find him outside at some time going through my car like I was a teenager.  (still not sure what he's looking for. Condoms? Pot?  He's never found those before and I'm pretty sure after 3 kids and 17 yrs of marriage he's not gonna find that now)   I lecture right back and get him so fired up.  I find it amusing. I ask him "Daddy do you know how old I am"?  Quit lecturing me.   I want to help them out now and give them advice but you would think by their faces I'm still a little girl. 

What's not amusing is the term I always hated to hear.  "You are so much like your mother"!  Or "You'll be like your parents some day".   No I won't.   Nope. Never. Nada.  

Never say never.  (one of my top five quotes)   

I've caught myself lately thinking I'm getting more and more like my Mom.  

Someone told me recently how much I look like my Mom.   I've always hated that but, as I was looking at my Mom I've alway thought how pretty she is.   So, I'll gladly take the compliment now.     

Mom took me shopping this week and she said and did some funny things.  Kinda flaky and flighty.  Just like me.  And it made me laugh.   So maybe we should just let them be and just nod and say ok like when we were kids. 
Plus, she bought me smoking new birthday boots and her some too.  Very cool.  

So, I'll try and relax and listen to their wisdom (snore)  because life as I know it would be very boring.  :)

My Mom looking in the mirror to see how boots look from back.  Same as I do!

What Is Everyone Looking For?

I was setting up a new Facebook account today for my blog.  I figured surely my 400 FB friends (ie. 7 real friends) are tired of me directing them to my blog.  I'm sure they would much rather hear about something funny my cat did or what we had for dinner........like I have to.  So, my question is why on most social media sites it asks "what are your looking for"?  Man? Woman?   Um,  I'm not looking for anything.   Why do these sites assume everyone is "looking" for something?

I have a husband, 3 sons, dog, cat, parrot, family, in-laws, friends, acquaintances, and the list goes on and on.  I can certainly say I'm not "looking" for anything.  I have plenty and then some.  Maybe just "looking" for some peace and quiet.   Or, why can't you have other options like "looking for new flooring" or "looking for blog lovers"  I'm not sure why looking for a man or woman is your only option. Isn't that what singles sites are for??

It could be because I just got home from yoga and I'm feeling especially yin yangy but, I'm happy with what I have.  (other than my crappy kitchen counter tops)  I'm happy with me. 

My theory is this may be the best it ever gets so enjoy....

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3stsDXki__U 

Bitchin Thoughts

Well,  I was 2 days shy of accomplishing the 30 blogs in 30 days for November.  And to be honest. I didn't want to.  At the end I felt like a child being forced to do something.   So, instead of blogging I took a break from FB, Bloghers, Blogs I love, Pinterest and did no technology required stuff.  (Of course my IPhone and Kindle don't count!) 

Failed one of my previous blogs "do nots" by accidentally going shopping with hubs.  Went to lunch together remembered we needed t.p. ran into Wal-Mart and within 7 minutes of us being there we both said at the same time "I will never go effing  shopping with you again". 

The weather has been freaking fantastic (Said in a British accent) so I spent 3 hours yesterday working on the yard.  December 1st.  Only in the south.  :)

Oh, and of course someone might notice I have been playing around on my blog.  My new names are not going over so well so I thought I would change up my background and whatnot.   I was digging Serendipity Me but a GF told me it sounded like I was all zen and granola like.  Bitch.

Mouthy Me and Southern Mouth were in the running for my sarcastic mouth but hubs thinks they sound too oral. WTF.  Oral???  I told him I wrote a blog that mainly airs my bitchin thoughts (sorry, been wanting to use bitchin for some reason)   for mainly women. So those are actually still in the running.   Can you say Archie Bunker??  Apparently he hasn't read one of my favorite blogs.  CUSS & Other Rants (Cuss standing for Campaign for Unshaven Snatch)  So it's fairly safe to say I'm pretty mild :)