Grief & Tragedy

After the last couple of days I have seen no reason to blog.   My blogs to me are smarmy, narcissistic rambling thoughts of me.  There is not a need or a want from me or anyone else for that right now.  

My thoughts now keep crashing to the horrific tragedy in Connecticut.   First, thinking of those excruciating minutes as a parent waiting to hear if your child is alright.  Then their not. Not ok.  Then thinking of how they couldn't  even see their children until the investigation at the school was complete.  Thinking, how can you know your poor baby is laying all day and night in the school where they fell with no comfort to them or you and not go insane.

So many people voicing their rage and blame.  "If only", "If only",  If only" is all I have heard.  None of that is going to change this outcome.   And it would take so many changes along with luck to even maybe stop the next tragedy.  

I have no soap box to stand on for this issue.  All I have is sympathy and prayer. 

I went upstairs to my hall of pictures.  3 boys. Infant through now.  All their sweet   faces.  I stopped at their kindergarten photos.  Started crying because I have no way of knowing nor easing those parents in pain. 

My oldest son called me last night from Guam.  When I heard his precious voice it made me cry.  He's coming home in 3 weeks.  I will see his face finally after 1 1/2 years.   I want him home safe under my roof with his brothers.  I started crying again after we hung up thinking already about when he leaves again.  
But then I remind myself he along with my other two sons are healthy and alive while others are not.